deeper conversation

I wish I could look as happy as them.

Sure it breaks my heart, but in a way, i feel happy for them.

No, not happy-- but glad.

I don't understand myself. I don't know the reasons for how I feel now.

Jealousy?

Out of nowhere it appears. I later curse myself.

I wish I was the one living their fairy-tale.

I wish I'm happier.

Ouh. It is not the girl's position that I wanted.

No, never.

Its not the boy that I wanted.

But I wanted the picture. The calmness and serenity. The happiness and smiles.

Ouh, Aku merapik lagi. Kerja networking melambak tak siap. Sore, sore... I am left alone. Not because they don't care. But things happen unplanned. Sore ini, aku bersendirian. Sambil mendengar lagu di corong telinga aku yang sudah penat mendengar umpatan dunia, kata keji yang dilemparkan syaitan. Macam mana nak halau perasaan malas, bersenang-lenang, lagha nih?





I'm listening to deeper conversation. Perut pula lapar. Nak makan, tiada teman. Bosan, satu vocab yg sudah selari setiap petang. Kerja, oh kerja. Mengapa kau tak berkurang? Menyesakkan kepala aku.



Andrea Hirata, kau ilham, inspirasi. Nak capai ke level kau, akal aku kata, "oh, iqa kau x mungkin". Ayat-ayat kau buat aku menangis, kecewa sbb x dapat menulis sehebat kau. Aku sedapkan hati, : Tak apa. kau penulis unggul. Kau ada satu. ayat-ayat kau begitu saja, hanya kau yang mampu susun.



gotta go. bz, bz, bz.